By Syreeta L. Carrington
It was a Friday in April, hours before school would let out for spring break, when a colleague contacted me to inform me about a situation that he’d recently been made aware of. A group of seventh grade boys, “Friend Group 1,” accused another group of seventh grade boys, “Friend Group 2,” of having called them names such as “hoodlums” and “thugs” outside of school. Group 1 consisted of boys who identified as Black, Black and white, and Black and Latino. Group 2 consisted of boys who identified as white, Asian and Latino, white and Latino, and white and Asian.
It had spilled over into my colleague’s social studies classroom as well. He gathered as much preliminary information as he could. But because he didn’t teach all of the boys, he was limited in what he could do. In the course of his initial conversation with the boys he did teach, he learned they wanted to deal with what had transpired in a restorative justice setting.
That is why he reached out to me. I am the restorative justice teacher in my building.
Within restorative justice is the philosophy that when we are in relationship with one another, we are less likely to cause harm. However, we live in the real world, and I work in a middle school, so conflict is inevitable.
While part of my job is aimed at shifting the climate and culture of our building, I also help to build and maintain relationships, whether they be student to student, student to adult, or adult to adult. It also includes working to repair harm and transforming conflict.
Sitting circle in theory
The work of repairing harm and transforming conflict often occurs within the context of “sitting circle.” Sitting circle is a term of art and one of the seminal practices of restorative justice. It is a device-free zone where participants literally sit in a circle with nothing obstructive in the way such as tables or desks. Sitting circle is a means by which conversation is facilitated.
In circle, there are norms and guidelines that we follow. We also employ “rounds,” which are questions or prompts designed to give everyone a chance to be heard. The subject matter of circles depends on the matter at hand and can range from celebratory circles to circles that deal with harm. It is important to note that sitting circle to address harm does not guarantee an outcome, but it does provide a safe space for participants to address it.
Sitting circle in practice
I told my colleague that I put the boys on my schedule for the week we returned from break. In the meantime, I spoke with a much beloved school counselor in my building, Stevana Sims, with whom I work closely and who is also trained in restorative justice. I filled her in and asked her if she wanted to facilitate the circle with me. She agreed.
The first session with the boys got off to an interesting start. Before we even began, one student approached me privately and asked if he could also participate as he was part of Friend Group 2. I invited him to join.
When the boys began trickling in, some were a bit animated, while others were more taciturn. Some of the boys in Friend Group 1 told me that another student should be included. I also invited him to join, and we waited for him to arrive.
Although they were all familiar with sitting circle, they looked at me not quite knowing what to expect in this particular context. I started off by thanking them for requesting a restorative justice session as they could have very easily decided to “resolve” their conflict in another, less productive way. Since no one was especially eager to “go first,” I shared with them the information that had been shared with me and invited them to correct anything that I’d gotten wrong. That seemed to get them talking.
The boys stated that there was some overlap between the two friend groups. They informed us that there was one boy in particular whom they believed should also be invited to participate. Unfortunately, we only had 40 minutes for our session, but it was clear to me early on that we were going to need at least another session. I pointed out that our time was short and asked them if they would agree to come back again next week. They all agreed.
I told them that in the meantime I would speak to the additional student. Because this is middle school and things move at the speed of light, by the time I got the opportunity to speak to the student, he’d already heard about the restorative justice session and expressed his desire to participate.
Over the course of a month, Mrs. Sims and I had the privilege of working with this group of seventh grade boys. There were 11 in all.
Although our discussions centered on race and language, the boys in Friend Group 1 also reported having been excluded by the boys in Friend Group 2 when they wanted to join their after-school football game. However, it was revealed that they did allow one boy in the group to play.
In addition, boys in both friend groups shared that they either witnessed or had been on the receiving end of offensive and racist language. As we began to unpack their experiences, what became clear was that these young boys were also hurting because of the breakdown of relationships.
We spent five sessions listening to one another’s perspectives and exploring topics. For example, one of our sessions was devoted to how race intersects with sports and economics. Mrs. Sims and I were very proud of these young boys. They were courageous. We engaged in some difficult and uncomfortable conversations, but they leaned into the work.
We spent our last session reflecting on our time together. Then the boys worked in small groups to see which group could build the tallest freestanding marshmallow and spaghetti tower. After the activity, we came back to circle for final thoughts and observations.
These are some of the sentiments that were shared:
- “I am glad that we had this time together. It made me feel better.”
- “It taught me about words and how we need to think about them. It’s possible that the words we use not only hurt us and others but can also hurt people who are in our families and are part of various communities.”
- “I’m glad that we did this.”
There are no quick fixes
Like with most things in life, there are no quick fixes. That should not deter us.
We are already in competition with devices and social media, each vying for our students’ attention. We cannot afford to forsake genuine, face-to-face conversations that have the power to connect and heal us. But first, we have to be willing to put in the effort if we want to see the results.
Our students deserve that. Our future depends on it.
Advice for hard conversations
In my school, like in many other schools, we’ve had to grapple with instances of racism, antisemitism and homophobia. It is not enough to simply admonish the behavior and hope it doesn’t occur again. We are in the business of educating children and education remains our best defense against these societal ills.
We have to have the courage to have hard conversations with our students. They are already trying to figure it out to varying degrees of success within their social circles.
I am cognizant of the fact that not everyone can engage in the type of work that I have described, whether it’s because of the time investment or the subject matter of the discussions. However, I want to encourage us to not shy away from having courageous conversations with our students and offer some advice about navigating them.
You don’t need to be trained in restorative justice to engage in most conversations with students.
Before I became a restorative justice teacher, I taught social studies. I am aware that when students are “buzzing” about something, it can be nearly impossible to proceed with whatever the day’s lesson is. However, sometimes we have to put aside our regularly scheduled program and address what is happening in the classroom.
What is required is a willingness to address the issue, setting guidelines for the discussion such as raising your hand to be acknowledged and imposing a time limit if it appears that the issue cannot be resolved within a specified timeframe.
You could say something like, “let’s take 15 minutes to talk about what everyone is buzzing about, and then we’ll proceed with the lesson.” If 15 minutes isn’t enough, and if you’re willing to continue the discussion, offer them an alternate time—maybe after school or during recess—when you can give them space to continue the conversation.
Students will be grateful because you have sent the message that you prioritized their needs. One of the chief complaints that I often hear from students is that adults don’t listen to them.
If you hear something, say something.
If a student says something, whether it is yelled in the hallway or in a classroom, don’t pretend not to have heard it. If it’s in the hallway you can calmly approach the student and pull them aside and ask them if you heard them correctly.
Keep in mind that tone matters. You can say something like, “Did I just hear you say…?” or “What did you mean by…?”
If the comment occurs in the classroom and you don’t address it, your inaction signals to the other students in the class that you will do nothing about comments that they’ve probably been exposed to before. Sometimes just saying, “Stop it. That language will not be tolerated in this classroom,” is enough to get the message across.
Students are looking to the adults to do something. They take their cues from us.
Don’t be afraid to consult with your colleagues and tap their strengths.
Perhaps you’re not comfortable with a particular subject matter. Instead of brushing it off and moving on, you can tell the students that you are not prepared to have this conversation at this time, but you would like to revisit it soon.
It may involve speaking to a student or a handful of students after class to gain a better understanding. However, it may require reaching out to colleagues who have more experience and may be more comfortable engaging in certain topics.
Maybe it’s not the subject matter that’s at issue. In my case, I’m quite comfortable having conversations about race. Sometimes, it’s about the relationship. Although I pride myself on developing relationships with students, I know that some of my colleagues have better relationships with some students. If that is the case, I may consult with a colleague who can give me insight, or I may ask them if they would agree to assist me in having a conversation with a student. That is precisely why I asked Mrs. Sims to help facilitate the restorative justice sessions. In addition to being trained in restorative justice, she had meaningful relationships with the majority of the boys and could speak expertly on the topic of race.
The goal is to meet the need. If you’re not best able to meet the need, endeavor to find someone who is.
Syreeta Carrington is a restorative justice specialist at Glenfield Middle School in Montclair.