Children with a sense of security feel safe and know there are people they can count on. Here are some suggestions for building a sense of security:
Set and share expectations.
- Let them know what the expectations are.
- Be aware that unrealistic demands can cause resentment, hurt, disappointment, or anger.
Give constructive feedback.
- It should be descriptive, not judgmental.
- It should be specific, not global.
- It should be immediate, not a reflection of the past.
- It should be task involved, not ego involved.
- It should be about behavior that the person can change.
Establish logical consequences for inappropriate behavior.
- Relate the consequence to the behavior.
- Be concerned only with what is happening now instead of punishing for the past transgressions.
- Avoid the use of a critical or punitive tone of voice.
Avoid labeling children and help your children avoid labeling themselves and others.
- Label the behavior, not the person.
- Labeling is disabling.
Celebrate when errors are discovered. Trial and error is a valid way of learning.
- Everyone makes mistakes. No one purposely makes mistakes.
- Use mistakes as an opportunity to teach, rather than to blame, label, or embarrass.
- Admit your own mistakes.
Help your children feel safe.
- Discuss unfamiliar places beforehand.
- Encourage new activities. Start with simple activities. Your children feel safer trying.
- Share childhood experiences.
Create a positive environment.
- Model positive behavior.
- Praise your children so that they become comfortable with praise.
Find special time.
- Try one-on-one time with each of your children.
- Do activities together with your children.
- Set aside some time each day to show your love.
Some fun ideas.
- Leave love notes.
- Create a list of positive terms.
- Make bedtime a special time.
- Leave a welcome note if they get home first.